


19 october (my heartbeat matches yours)

by natigail



Series: Phanfic Bingo 2019 [6]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: 19 October, 2009 vs 2019, 2019!phan, Anniversary, Boys In Love, Cuddling & Snuggling, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, I hope they had the best anniversary and I just had to pour my feelings out on the page, Introspection, Kissing, M/M, Nostalgia, Reminiscing, Starbucks, This is so very soft and they are so in love, Touchy-Feely
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-19
Updated: 2019-10-19
Packaged: 2020-12-24 09:49:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,656
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21097472
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/natigail/pseuds/natigail
Summary: First touches and moments.It’s the same ten years later.Well, almost.Phanfic Bingo 2019 - Writer's Choice(And I choose anniversary because it's the 19th of October and I'm an emotional mess that needed to write this)





	19 october (my heartbeat matches yours)

It’s a quiet Saturday morning. Dan and Phil wake slowly, curled up in each other’s embrace. Their breath slowly moves from the deep breaths of sleep to more awareness. Another shift against each other. Phil opens his eyes first but he can’t see anything properly without his glasses. He doesn’t really need them. He knows Dan’s outline well enough that he knows how the boy looks sleeping peacefully. He’s had a whole decade to perfect it.

Dan rises slowly too, feeling the shift of his partner next to him. His mind comes into awareness slowly and he is a little groggy but the feeling seems to lift as he looks over on Phil, seeing that love struck look on his face despite knowing that Phil’s eyes sight makes it impossible for him to see without glasses or contacts.

It does nothing to deter from how they look at each other.

Exactly a decade ago, Dan was stepping off a train on Manchester station. Back on _that_ fateful Saturday he hadn’t slept well and content nor had he risen so slowly and felt comforted. He had been a nervous wreck nearly getting no sleeping and staying up too late with Phil on Skype before they finally agreed to turn their computers off in a vague attempt to get some resembling of sleep before they would meet up the next day.

Phil had been coming off a bus, after an awkward encounter with a viewer that had recognized him, and he had been too early to the platform, fearing that he might miss Dan’s arriving train even if it was nowhere scheduled yet. He had not been cuddled up in bed, he had been anxiously pacing and willing the time to go faster while he scrolled through his phone.

Neither could wait to meet.

Phil reaches for his glasses now, putting them on and finally being able to see Dan. He’s smiling, in that subtle way he does when his mind is drifting off and Phil knows that both of them would be feeling nostalgic on a day like this. Ten years is a long time.

None of them were confident enough to say that they had known back then. It had been too early, just a few months of communicating online but they had both felt a connection. A pull that neither of them had felt before or since.

It had been special.

Phil had seen Dan step off the train, tension in his shoulders and a bag clutched at his side. He’d scanned the crowd, trying to pick Phil out from the many people on the platform and his heart had been hammering inside of his chest.

Dan had spotted Phil, waving wildly and taking quick and long strides to close the distance between them. The older had almost stumbled a little in his haze, which caused a smile of embarrassment at his clumsiness.

The distance had been closed both too quickly and not fast enough. It felt like heaven to run up to each other, throwing their arms around the other and sharing a proper hug for the very first time. It should have been awkward. They had never met in person before. They had never touched in any shape or form but it was so easy for both of them to melt into the embrace.

Both had felt their own heartbeats going insane and they had squeezed entirely too hard for a first greeting hug but all the tension and build up had to go somewhere and it was not like anyone was complaining.

It felt natural and comfortable and they might never have met in person before but they had shared so much and this felt good. Their hearts were beating nervously in their chests, running wildly and unsure of what kind of future would await them but they just knew that it would be good as long as they would be able to beat next to each other.

With Phil in his glasses, Dan chuckles and moves closer to position them correctly on his nose, instead of hazardously thrown on. Phil just hums under his breath, before opening his arms in an inviting fashion like he had done on Manchester station so many years ago.

Dan moves into the hug as easy as breathing and it almost feels like back then for a moment. Both of the boys can feel their hearts in their chests, beating a little too fast but at the same time so strong and steady. Back then, they were so young, already falling in love, but they never knew if they would be able to stay together.

Now they both know that they have made a home next to the other.

The hug is bruising now, just like back then, tight and overwhelming as Dan and Phil battle with the wave of nostalgia that sweeps over them like a blanket. They think back to those young boys, exploring Manchester and properly falling in love. They have been falling for a very long time now, but none of them ever want to stop.

A buzzing on the door startles the both of them a little out of it. It’s not uncommon for a delivery to wake them, even on a weekend morning. Dan is already reading rock, paper, scissors – their way to deal with any kind of domestic task in their home but Phil just place a hand over his and reluctantly force his legs out of bed.

Dan calls out after him, asking what Phil have ordered but Phil just throws a wink and sticks out his tongue. He’s 32 years old and he can do what he wants.

Once at the front door, he buzzes the delivery person through and painstakingly wait for the person to climb the stairs to their home. He bounces a little on his feet, impatiently, and a smile finds his lips when he once again recalls how long he stood on Manchester station, bouncing on his heels.

The delivery person finally makes it to the door, hands off the bag and leaves with a nod. Phil might be slightly skipping in his walk back to the bed.

Dan has found his phone in his partner’s absence and sat up against the headboard but he easily drops it and refocuses on Phil as he comes back with a brown paper back that he carefully holds even. The eyebrow raise is a familiar one by now and Phil just smiles cheekily as he places the square bottomed paper bag on the duvet and then proceed to pull out two PSL from Starbucks.

Dan’s eyes nearly fall out of his head, before he starts laughing, somehow both deep and giggly as he topples forward on the bed. He tosses his body down, lying on his back as he can glare back at his partner. It’s not a hard glare though, just an intense one as he feels all the emotions welling up within him.

Back when they first visited Starbucks in Manchester on the day they met, they didn’t know that Starbucks would come to hold such a sentimental value. It’s a huge chain and it should not feel so significant but it does. It feels warm and Dan can’t help but think that Phil is a wonderful idiot for going through the trouble of having Starbucks delivered right to their front door so they don’t have to leave their home to get it.

He tells him as much and Phil just scoffs and hands Dan one of the drinks with a smile.

And so, they climb back into bed together, sitting against the headboard and sipping their drinks in a domestic quietness. It’s a special kind of air they can only have between them when they are alone. It’s been like that for a long time. They have cultivated it through the years – how they can sit beside the other and somehow still convey so much of what they are feeling.

It started back in that Starbucks in Manchester where they tugged each other into a corner and just sat with their drinks for a while. Back then, it was tinged with nerves, both of them a little unsure of how to talk to each other without a screen between. However, it didn’t take long for that tension to start to melt away and as their drinks disappeared, as did some of the nerves and restrictions and conversation started to flow, just like it had done when they were talking online.

It’s just quiet between them now but there is so much left unspoken. Dan nor Phil feel the need to voice any of it. They’re both lost in their own heads, drawing parallels and drowning in nostalgia.

Half-way through the drinks, Dan reaches out to take Phil’s hand. It starts with a little nudge, back of hand against back of hand but they know what it means and Phil is soon tilting his palm outwards and Dan’s hand slips right in.

Their hands have always felt like they were perfectly matched. None dwarfed the other. It was just two large palms resting comfortably around each other as long fingers intertwined, almost like they were made for each other. It’s sappy and a little cliché both the boys’ minds can’t help but go there after feeling the familiar presence and comfort of each other. It’s easy to hold hands here, in their bed, in their home where they can be themselves without restrictions.

It was not easy back in Manchester. A decade ago feels like a very different time in terms of acceptance and back then none of them felt comfortable holding hands just walking around Manchester. It felt like eyes were everywhere, silently judging them. Dan was still heavily closeted and Phil didn’t broadcast his sexuality either. They didn’t hold hands, not like now, palms pressed tightly against each other, as close as they could possibly get but they did brush up against each other.

A back of the hand meeting the other’s hand would not cause them to have palms tilted towards each other and instead it would result in hearts racing and slight flushes of blushes on cheeks. It would feel so innocent and giggles would bubble in their chests.

Their love was so new and just blossoming and the prospect of holding hands with the boy of your affections was thrilling and terrifying at the same time. It was just bumping of hands, not noticeable to others, but clear enough for the two of them.

Touch, touch, touch, as they walked, huddling closer together than they needed just so they could feel that point of contact again and again.

It’s not how Phil takes Dan’s palm in his now and traces the lines, pretending to be able to read his future and making Dan laugh when the tells him about the tall, dark and handsome stranger he sees in his bed. It’s not how Dan shifts their hands, pulling Phil’s hand in his to his chest, trapping it there and just holding it close, just like how Phil hold his heart in his hands.

When Dan finally drops Phil’s hand, it’s only to take up his phone and pull open the camera app.

They have taken so many selfies through the years. No one would be able to count how many photos they are in together. Through years and years of running into viewers they have amassed thousands and thousands and probably millions. On holidays, they have posed together again and again. In their home, they have captured some photos that never see the light of day. They live in frames tugged into corners of their cluttered home, as a phone background or put into special folders on their devices.

It’s not that the photos are scandalous or inappropriate. They are just private. They share so much with the Internet. So much of their relationship is captured and put out there for all of the world to see. They had never actively intended it like that but it just happened and none of them regret it.

It still doesn’t mean that they don’t like that they are able to keep something for themselves. While coming out and confirming their relationship was a big step, one they were never sure they would truly be ready to make, it had felt right and important.

However, a private photo session is needed at times.

Phil smiles at Dan, mumbling something about how they both look so messy with their morning hair and sleep creases on their faces. He says it but it doesn’t sound like a rejection, it sounds like a silent invitation. They never see anyone else like this. It’s just the two of them, in bed, breathing and existing next to each other.

Half the photos turn out blurry because they can’t sit still and then Phil pokes Dan’s dimple causing him to erupt in laughter and drop his otherwise experienced selfie arm. The result is a mess of a blurry Dan in the foreground, face scrunched up in laughter with a grinning Phil in the background looking very pleased with himself.

It a far cry from the very first photo they took back in the Apple Store in Manchester where they were both posing, nervous as people looked at them weirdly. Looking back, they laugh a lot on that photo, or sometimes cringe when they see it pop up back online occasionally. At the same time, they can’t deny that there is something special about that silly, posing photo. It was the first of so, so, so many moments captured on film and in videos. They both remember the nerves and the giddiness back then when the world had been at their feet but they had not known what to do with any of it.

They just knew that they had found something special in each other and that it was worth savouring and documenting. They could not know the story they would live to tell in the decade to come, not at all, but there were butterflies of potential going wild in their stomachs and a deep sense of belonging settling into their bones.

Their hair and their expressions are as ridiculous as the ones they take now, in their shared bed a decade later. Their faces have lost a bit of the baby edge, lines subtly starting to mark their skin a little but they are only laughter lines and deep reminders of the millions of smiles and laughs that they had shared through the years.

Every bit of them have grown together, their life branches weaving together and standing stronger than ever because they can weather so much more together.

Dan drops the phone as he comes back from his giggle attack, muttering something about Phil being an idiot, which just causes Phil to start laughing. He’s heard that one before. So very many times.

It doesn’t take him much to reach out and pull Dan into a kiss. Partly to distract him and shut him up and partly because he just wants a reminder of how their mouth fits together that well. Dan goes easily.

Dan had been the one that initiated their first kiss. Phil had been older and more experienced but he’d been worried, hesitant that he might be pushing the younger boy too fast but when they shared their first kiss it felt perfect.

Despite the nerves vibrating off both of them, they had falling into each other’s space on top of the Manchester Eye. Skin had been tingling, hearts had threatened to jump out and the pull in their stomachs would lead one to believe they were on a fast rollercoaster and not a calm and slow Ferris wheel.

It was a rollercoaster of love that none of them would ever get off.

Their first kiss had been a little clumsy, a little too intense and off-centre. It’s different now when they can move into each other’s space as easy as breathing. The level of comfort has been built over the years, again and again, and they never even flinch when one of them move past what would be their normal boundaries. They can exist pressed against each other, sharing breaths and chests heaving as one, lips locked on the same inhale.

They know every sound they can pull from each other’s lips, and every feel of how their lips can slide together. This morning kiss is soft, longing, and indulging. It’s sprinkled with nostalgia and memories.

A whole decade of kisses has passed between them and they have literal decades to go. They have deep kisses that leave them both breathless. They have light pecks of the lightest brush. And they have everything in between.

One might think that kissing gets old after so many years together or that it could turn into more of a chore or a mindless habit but it has never been it for them. Sure, it has turned into a habit at times, but even so it is never done mindlessly. It is done with their mind very much aware and they will always catch themselves, thankful for the other that has decided to stick by their side through thick and thin.

Pumpkin Spiced Lattes nearly drunk and now forgotten, a sense of quiet comfort and sleepiness settle back into them. Phil is planning to film a video later today; he’s got the props all ready but it doesn’t need to be done now. Dan seems to agree, as he pulls Phil down along with him, deep under the covers as they break their kiss.

Even with their mouth disconnected, their faces stay close, breathing the same air and chests moving in almost rehearsed synchronicity. It had been very easy to learn and match the other’s rhythm and over time it felt like they had evolved to breathe exactly the same.

It’s a comfort now, almost like the pattern of their heart is constantly reminding them that even when they are apart another heart is beating in sync to theirs.

Dan mumbles something about a nap, Phil scoffs and tells him it can hardly be a nap so quickly after you awake up. Dan loving tells him to shut up and snuggle closer into his chest. This is familiar too. They have slept in each other’s arms so very often, and all across the world. On tour, on holidays, at conventions and anywhere they have gone together. Even when they usually had two beds, it was so very easy to drift into each other’s. It wasn’t uncommon for them to squeeze their lanky limbs together on a sofa just because they didn’t want to sleep apart.

It doesn’t mean that they always sleep in the same bed but more nights than not it’s nice to snuggle into the other’s embrace.

Phil very distinctly remember how young eighteen-year-old Dan snuggled into his chest on the first night that he spent at Phil’s parents’ house. Phil had never felt his heartbeat like that and he had vowed to himself to keep this boy close at all costs. Their first day had not been without a few hiccups and a whole bucket of nerves but it had been perfect anyway because it had been _theirs._

They had been building towards that day for a long time and both had been on edge ever since they planned the trip and Dan booked the train ticket. It had been a long waiting game and they felt like they could finally exhale and relax as they curled up into each other’s embrace for the first time of many.

It is many times later now and their chests meet as their breathing is perfectly matched and their limps fit together with easy and familiarity. It is the type of intimacy that only really comes with time. Their bodies melt into each other, completely at ease and it is so very easy to be pulled back under from sleep, even if they should get up and get on with their day.

The connection was there from the moment they met, heck even from the moment they properly started talking, but they have made sure to nurture and protect it over the years. They have invested in their relationship, in their partnership, and it has been what had left them this this strong foundation.

It had also left them feeling a little like when they were first falling in love only it’s so much better because it such a deeper and more intimate pull. It’s not the pitter-patter and early excitement of falling in love, it’s the steady breath and the synched heartbeats and the complete contentment of knowing they are in love and will continue to be so.

Phil lets himself look at Dan’s face, one more time before he’s ready to pull of his glasses and let himself be pulled into joint nap. Dan’s eyes are already on his, watching and memorising every little part of Phil’s face. To this day, he is the only one who has ever been able to correctly describe Phil’s eye colour.

Phil knows it’s because he looks into his eyes so often. Phil would also argue that Dan’s shade of brown is completely unique and somehow captures warmth.

Their eyes are locked, just looking and seeing at the same time. If they look closely enough, they can see the reflection of the other’s face in the pupil, in love expressions perfectly matched. Back when they had their first Skype session, they were forced to deal with grainy camera quality and they both yearned for a time when they could meet without a screen between them. When they could just look and share eye contact, pure and simple.

It’s been ten years but it’s still only the beginning. They still have so much more life to live together.

**Author's Note:**

> [Reblog on tumblr](https://secretlywritingstories.tumblr.com/post/188456459540/19-october-my-heartbeat-matches-yours-phan)
> 
> I didn't think that I'd be able to write something for today but even after eight hours of doing thesis-prep stuff and having dinner with my friend, I came home to write this! I hope you like it and I apologise for any errors, it's not proof-read because I just wanted to dump it and then switch off for the night and it's also nearly midnight this time as I'm posting it. I hope I managed to make you feel warm and soft and maybe crack a smile - I certainly did while writing. 
> 
> Thank you to anyone who reads it. I'm also going to say that this will count as my Writer's Choice for the Phanfic Bingo I kind of abandoned because I got too busy.


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